Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's blow job season.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize