I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize