that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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