Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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