It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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