Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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