She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
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Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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