I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize