if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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