sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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