dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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