What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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