I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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