I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I will pee on everything he values.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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