Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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