How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
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You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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