No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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