1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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