just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
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Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
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Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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