Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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