I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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