Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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