so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize