Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize