Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize