we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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