She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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