I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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