I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
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Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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