when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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