Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize