Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize