My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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