I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize