i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
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Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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