just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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