My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize