I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize