I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
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Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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