hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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