from now on my penis is your penis
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize