I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
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My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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