I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
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I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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