What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I need a beard to bite.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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