So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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