captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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