so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize