ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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