Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
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Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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