Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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